WRITE A SHORT PIECE ABOUT A MOMENT OR MOMENTS OF DISPAIR

 DESPAIR

WARNING: WARNING: WARNING: If you haven't read my book Anguish or if you plan to do so in the future, DO NOT read this prompt as it is a behind-the-scenes look at something major that happened in that novel. If you would like to purchase the novel please visit my books page on this site and click the picture of the novel. 

Abigail heard her parents calling her from downstairs. She really didn’t want to talk to them or anyone else for that matter. Her local best friend was gone for the weekend and her long-distance best friend, her cousin Benjamin, was unreachable for a few days so she was going to lock herself in her room and write until her poor hands wouldn’t let her anymore.

 With a yawn, she stood and stretched before closing her notebook from prying eyes. With four siblings, eyes were everywhere. By the time she reached the bottom of the backstairs her mood was better…until she saw the look on her parents’ faces and her other siblings already gathered around. “What’s up?” she said with a smile.

 “Abby, sweetie, come sit down,” her father Ethan said, patting the cushion next to him.

 “What…what’s going on?” she asked as she sat down and Ethan wrapped his arm around her shoulder. A knot was forming in her stomach. There was definitely something wrong.

 “Kids…” her mother Charlotte started but stopped when her voice broke.

 “Kids your cousin Benjamin, he…he died today.” Ethan’s grip tightened on Abigail “Your cousin committed suicide at the mountain cabin.”

 Every eye in the room was on Abigail. “I…are you sure, Daddy?”

 “Yes baby girl,” Charlotte sobbed, reaching for her daughter’s hand.

 “Your cousin is gone.”

 “No,” Abby said softly. “He wasn’t just my cousin. We…we’re like a brother and sister given to different parents. We were cousins, brother and sister, best friends.” By now she was breathing heavily and gripping her mother’s hand tightly.

 “I know how close you two were,” Ethan said gently. “From day one. I’m so sorry, sweetheart.”

Abigail looked around the room at her crying siblings and felt her heart finally break into pieces; a million of them to be scattered forever across the desert of Nevada and the Plains of Wyoming where they spent summers together. “I…I have to go.”

With a small sob, she pulled away from her parents and headed for the front door. Keys jingled and then there was silence. Ethan and Charlotte were immediately on their feet and headed after her.

 “Ethan we have to stop her,” Charlotte begged. “She can’t drive in her state.”

 “We can’t stop her now,” he comforted. “We’ll just pray that she isn’t going far.”

 ****

Abby drove in a blind rage, unsure of where exactly she was going. Ben had recently hit rock bottom but he said he was getting better. He said he was doing just fine when they had talked last night. How could he do this to his family, to her, to his boyfriend, JC? The boy who was loved by everyone was gone.

Stopping the car at the edge of the desert, she got out and ran up into the red rocks. Within minutes she entered the cave she’d found with her little brother and his friend Thomas last week. She hadn’t even gotten the chance to tell Ben about it. And he would never get to see it. He would love…would have loved the solidarity and peace of the cool dark space.

As she sat down on the dirty ground, not caring if it ruined her white shorts, all of her anger disappeared and she was numb. Oh if only she could stay like that; Numb and unfeeling, almost as if Ben had never existed. But of course, it couldn’t stay that way for long. Big fat tears started to slip from her eyes and land on her cheeks and moments later an escalating sob came from her throat ending in a piercing scream that echoed off of the clay walls. When all was quiet again she screamed over and over, punctuated by sobs of despair.

Ben wasn’t supposed to be gone. He was supposed to be there with her, whether in person or not, forever. There had never been any other plan. They were attached by some unseen bond from the day the first met. They couldn’t stand to be apart for more than a few months at a time, every summer spent together, every few days writing or talking over the phone. Abby and Ben were inseparable even when love had found her cousin. JC had understood, they were a pair, no matter who else was there. And now…now…what? How could she function, walk, talk or breathe without him? She wasn’t sure she knew how to live without him.

Once her voice was gone from the screaming, she collapsed to the ground, her tears mixing with the dirt on the floor of the cave. “Ben,” she whimpered. “I could have helped you. I told you that. Why didn’t you let me or JC help you? Why? Why? Why?

The tears kept coming as Abby felt all of her joy, all of her heart slipping out of her eyes and onto the ground. Life would never be the same. It could never even come close to the future she had planned. Her life as she knew it was over. But she didn’t want to start over, she didn’t have the strength.

 “Abby.”

 Abigail heard the voice but she didn’t want to move…ever again.

 “Abby.”

 “Go away, Thomas. I need to be alone.”

Thomas walked over and sat next to her, running his hand over her long red hair. “Everyone is worried. I promised them I’d bring you home.”

 “I don’t want to go, Tommy. Just go back and tell them I’m okay. I’ll be home soon.”

Thomas pulled his hand back and messed with the floppy sole of his left sneaker. “I’m sorry about Ben. I know you loved him.”

 “I did, Tommy. So very much. More than anyone will ever know.” Her voice was hoarse but she felt a bit of power come back to her speech.

 “Then think of him,” he whispered. “Your family is flying out tonight to go be with your aunt and uncle. You need to go, to be there to represent the Ben you knew.”

 Abby sat up and wiped her face, sure that she was only smudging the dirt more. “How did you get so wise,” she asked with a hint of a smile.

 “You taught me well, Abby. You’re my confidant as I’m sure I’ll be yours someday.”

 “I’ll need someone now that…”

 “I know,” Thomas said softly. “But not yet. Just take it a day at a time.”

Abby stood up and swayed as Thomas scrambled up to help steady her. “Come on. Are you okay to drive or do we have to walk all the way home?”

 “I’ll…I’ll be fine, Tommy. We’ll make it home safe. I have to, I’m the only one left to tell Ben’s true story and to make sure what happened to him doesn’t happen to others. I know I can’t stop them all but if I can stop one kid…”

 “You’re my hero Abby.”